


I'll Call an Uber

by Magichemistry



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety, Awkward Ben, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Implied Cheating, No Strings Attached, Smut, unestablished relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-04-20 12:38:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 21,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14261151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magichemistry/pseuds/Magichemistry
Summary: “You’re not very good with your emotions, are you?” you notice. The signs were always there: the first awkward conversation, the need for your validation, the rudeness. “No, I’m not. Can we eat now?” Ben finishes with the topic when the waiter arrives with your plates. Now it’s up to you if you put up with Ben Solo or walk away before he hurts you.





	1. You're the Best

“Ben Solo?” you approach a guy standing alone near to the exit. The company you work for threw the annual party and you see Ben with a cup in his hand and looking bored.

“Yes? Sorry, I don’t know you” Ben takes a sight at you. A girl on a dress with a red cup on her hand and glossy eyes.

“Oh, no. Of course not!” you laugh nervously. It’s weird how his facial expression doesn’t change as he talks. “I’m (Y/N). I work in the accounting department, I know you because your department has most of the company budget”.

“I see” Ben nods his head a little. He’s not sure what he should say next. You know him and he doesn’t. He doesn’t care.

“Uh, so, like…” you stumble in your words. You didn’t imagine he’ll be like this. “What do you do?  I mean, I’m curious as the company invest a lot in your projects”.

“I’m currently working on developing a new system for aircraft turbines” he answers in the same tone he’s been using since the beginning.

“Sounds complicated” you take a sip from your cup, not knowing what else to do.

“It is” he confirms. He sounds as if you were annoying him, asking too many questions.

“Well, good luck. I know you’re the best. I’m on floor 21 if you ever wanna visit me” you decide it’s time to finish this one-sided conversation. Ben only nods and directs his gaze to nowhere in particular.

“That was awkward…” you cringe as you walk away. Last time you try to make new friends.

* * *

I know you’re the best, Ben keeps thinking as he gets bored in this party. He didn’t want to come but he also knows relationships are important if he wants to keep growing in his career.

I know you’re the best? What did you mean by that? Were you mocking him? Or do you actually believe he’s the best?

He looks for you in the room but he can’t find you, he only knows your first name so he can’t ask someone where are you. Maybe there are other (Y/N)s working here too.

He remembers you told him you work on floor 21. There’s a minimum chance you’re there, after all, it’s a party. Why would you be in your work post? But he has no more ideas. Dodging drunk people, he walks to the elevator.

* * *

The office looks surreal at night, it’s totally empty and in an overwhelming silence. You’re in your cubicle, sitting on your desk. You kick your legs thinking if you said something wrong to make Ben act like that. Maybe you were rude or too weird for him. Did he think you were flirting with him? Oh God, you worry, you just wanted to meet the guy.

“Do you think I’m the best?” a voice arrives and you spit the alcohol you were drinking. Ben Solo is standing in your cubicle.

“You scared me!” you clean the liquid spilled on your dress and face.

“Do you think I’m the best?” he repeats the question. He doesn’t say “sorry” or “let me bring you some napkins”. It’s like he only hears what he decides.

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve seen the numbers. Since you started working here, the company had a growth of 7%” you put your cup next to you.

“That doesn’t answer my question. I’m the best, yes or no?” he begins to get exasperated to not get the answer he wants.

“Yes! I think you’re the best!” you don’t get the deal with this guy. First, he doesn’t wanna talk to you and then he comes to look for you to ask if he’s the best.

“Thank you” Ben is satisfied with your answer. He sees your startled face and realizes that maybe he was too aggressive. But no one has ever told him he’s the best. Sure, they approve his projects and raise his salary but that’s all. “If it’s worth it, I think you’re pretty” he puts his hands on his pocket jeans and looks down.

“Thank you” your eyes perk up at his compliment. That’s the problem with you, a cute guy calls you pretty and you forget he was rude.

“Your workspace is little” he looks at the four walls that surround your desk.

“I’m a random employee. They can’t give me more space” you shrug. You have a decent job so you’re not complaining.

“You’re wet”

“What?!” you climb down the desk.

“Your dress is wet” he points at your clothes.

“Oh, right” you look down at yourself. When you lift your head again you find Ben closer to you.

“You’re really pretty” he decides to tell you again. No girl has put up with him so much time.

“You look good on that shirt” you run your hand through his chest and look up at his face. His pupils look dark as if he was examining you. You bring his face down to you and put your lips on his. Ben doesn’t have a lot of practice on these whole kiss thing but he lets you guide him and soon he has your tongue wrap around his. You pull him with you to your desk and lift your dress to your waist.

“What are you doing?” Ben stops you putting some distance with his arms.

“Uh, getting naked so we can have sex?” you thought it was obvious what you were doing.

“We can’t do that here. It’d be incorrect” he scolds you as you stand there with the half of your body exposed.

“Yes, you’re right. How stupid of me” you roll your eyes as you put down your dress. Apparently, Ben has never head about sex at the office.

“We should go to my apartment” he half orders half suggests.

“Okay,” you must be drunk or just stupid because you can’t understand Ben’s signals.

“I’ll call an Uber”.

* * *

“You can’t stay when we finish. I have work to do early tomorrow” Ben warns you as he devours you in the car.

“Yeah, it’s fine” you bite his lip and push him closer to you. The poor Uber driver must be traumatized, Ben hasn’t stopped to play inside your bra. His caresses have you sighing, and he even hasn’t touched you below.

* * *

Ben’s apartment is small but it’s in a good zone of the city. At the entrance there’s the kitchen and a tiny dining room, to the left there’s a couch, a little center table and some shelves with books. Next, to it, it’s his bedroom. From what you reach to see as Ben kisses your neck, he’s organized and keeps everything clean.

You push him to the couch and you quickly get rid of all your clothes. You climb on his lap and put one nipple in his mouth.

“Suck” you demand and he obeys. He closes his eyes and moans as he sucks your hard peak. You begin to grind on his crotch and unbutton his shirt. When you feel you’re wet enough, you stand up to look for a condom in your purse.

You kneel between his legs and pull down his jeans and black boxers at the same time. You spit on his cock and jerk him off several times. Ben opens his legs more and bucks his hips to your mouth. Will it be too rude to grab your head and put his dick inside between your lips?

“You’re good to go” you put the condom on him, not feeling like sucking cock tonight. You turn around, your back facing him and in one-speed motion, you sit on his dick.

“Fuck” he huffs at the sudden tightness he feels.

“You’re bigger than I thought” you whine and Ben doesn’t know if it’s a good or a bad thing.

“Sorry” he blurts out not sure why.

You frown at his apology, he should feel good, it was a compliment. All guys like hearing that, right? You decide to ignore him and begin to move your hips.

Ben’s eyes roll back and he leans his head on the couch, his arms loose at his side and his eyes closed. He just lays there at the mercy of your hips. You’re doing all the work, and damn, you really know what you’re doing. When he feels his balls tighten he wonders if he should do something to make you come.

“Ah, ah!” you move faster and rub your clit. Your other hand leaned on Ben’s knee.

Ben has a vague idea of what he can do to make this more pleasant for you but suddenly your inner muscles spasm around him and he comes with a raspy growl.

“Fuck, that hurt,” you say when you get up and Ben’s dick slips out of you.

“What, what are you doing?” Ben asks you when he sees you kneeling on the floor.

“Looking for my phone” you believe it must have fallen off near the couch during the fuck.

Ben sees you crawling naked on his apartment floor and something inside of him stirs, his dick twitches a little but it’s too soon to get hard again. When he’s about you tell you might stay for a little more you find your phone and speak, “Found it! I’ll call an Uber”.

“It’s just two minutes away” you begin to dress and Ben watches you. He takes the used condom out and does a knot on it.

“Was it good? Did you like it?” Ben’s insecurity makes him doubt about his own sexual abilities.

“Yeah, did you?” you smile.

“Yes,” he nods his head and sees you’re already dressed.

“It’s here” you look at your phone. “See you later, Ben” you bent down where he still sits and kiss him on the cheek. He hears the door being closed and he touches where you kiss still lingers.


	2. I don’t carry a box of condoms everywhere I go

Ben spends the whole weekend between worrying and jerking off. He thinks it was completely wrong to accept to have sex with you because you’re a coworker. Sure, you don’t work in the same department and until the party, he hadn’t seen you but still, you’re a coworker and he doesn’t want trouble with Human Resources. The rest of the time when he’s not thinking about that, he masturbates remembering the way your ass looked and how your hair fell down your back when you were riding him.

On Sunday night, when he lays on the bed, he decides he’ll talk to you first thing in the morning, just to make sure everything is clear between the two of you.

* * *

It’s easier to say something than actually doing it and it’s proven when it’s already 4.30 pm and Ben hasn’t gone to speak to you. In his own defense, he made five attempts during the morning to go to your floor but at the last moment he got scared and returned to his office. He doesn’t have any speech prepared, maybe he should buy you some flowers, the truth is he has no idea how you suppose to act after a one night stand. Mostly, because he had never had one.

For the sixth time, he roams near the elevator, walking side by side, trying to gather the courage to push the open button.

“Are you coming, Ben?” Hux, his coworker, asks him as he stops the elevator door for him. He’d look stupid just standing there, outside of it. This was the push he needs so he walks in.

“What floor?” Hux asks.

“Twenty one” Ben’s throat feels dry and his palms are cold sweating.

* * *

“Hi” he stands at the entrance of your cubicle. You’re bent down writing some numbers on a sheet of paper.

“Hi!” you turn your chair to greet Ben.

“How was your weekend?” he decides to make some small talk before dropping the bomb. It’s for the best if you two don’t see each other outside work.

“Good. I mostly slept through it” you joke and Ben returns the smile.

“Do you have a lot of work?” he steps into your space and takes a glance at your papers.

“Not really, between you and me I’m only making time until is five o’clock so I can leave” you whisper in a playful tone and wink at him. Ben can’t tell if you’re still joking or not.

“(Y/N), I came here because I want to tell you something” Ben rubs his palms on his pants. You look up at him, expectant of what he’s got to say.

“Um…” he doubts on how to say it. Why is it so hard? You’re nothing, not even friends. You lick your lips and Ben remembers when you were between his legs, how you spit on his penis and rode him until he came. “Do you wanna go to my apartment today?”

“Oh” you weren’t expecting an invitation to go back to his place. The poor dude looked so nervous like he was breaking up with you. “Yeah, sure”.

“Very well,” he says a little too loud and some people’s heads turn to your workspace. “I expect you there after work” he turns around wanting to leave as fast as possible.

You frown thinking about his words. Why did he make it look like a business transaction? And wouldn’t it be easier to leave together considering you’re in the same building and you’re going to the same place? But before you can say anything, Ben is already gone.

“Whatever, I’ll call an Uber” you pick up your things to leave this place.

* * *

“Hey,” you say to Ben when he opens the door. “You know, we could’ve left work together,” you notice he’s still wearing his work clothes, probably he has just arrived.

“I thought about that when I was already here” he twists his mouth to a side and scratches the back of his head.

“Don’t worry. I stopped at the drug store to buy these” you enter his apartment and give him a condom box. Ben takes it and stares at it as an unknown object.

“I don’t carry condoms everywhere I go” you defend yourself to his possible judgment.

“I wasn’t thinking that. I was thinking I could have bought them” he clears for you his thoughts.

“How do you wanna do it?” you let your bag on the floor and begin to undress.

“Uhh” Ben gets distracted by your unintentional striptease. “Like we did it last time?”

“Again?” you’re not fan of the idea. “We can try something else”.

“Would you be on top?” Ben asks the most important question.

“If you want to. I could ride you but this time facing you” you offer him and he nods, satisfied with the proposition.

“Sit on the couch like last time,” you tell him after he gets naked like you.

“Can I touch you?” he timidly asks.

“Yes, you can touch me” you try not to laugh at how innocent he sounded. You sit on his lap and start running your pussy up and down on his cock. Ben plays with your nipples until they get hard, last time he touched them in the dark but now he can appreciate them.

“You like it?” you moan as you feel the veins of his cock against your clit.

“Yeah, you’re really hot” he stumbles, not sure if it’s something right to say.

“Don’t force it” you kiss his lips. You don’t know Ben too much but you know he’s not into dirty talk. “Just enjoy. Ready?”

“Ready” he nods his head and his gaze burns into you as you open the condom box that was on the table and take one. Ben leaves his hands on your hips and watches how you put the condom.

You lift your hips and rub his tip on your sex, Ben’s breath chokes and you decide it’s enough to tease. You sink down on him and undulate your hips in a slow motion.

“Good, right?” you bite your lip as you see Ben shutting his eyes from pleasure. He hugs you harder and buries his head in your chest.

“Could you… Could you move like the other day?” Ben talks against your chest, referring when you bounced on his cock.

“Like this?” you giggle knowing exactly you’re doing what he asked for.

“Yes, fuck” Ben opens his eyes and sees your tits bouncing. He can’t resist and puckers his lips to one of your nipples.

Your thighs are burning and your skin is slapping against Ben’s. A mix of your moans and his groans can be heard too.

“I’m gonna come. Do you want me to make you come?” Ben tries to control himself but this position is better than the other one. He has you closer, he can feel your body more and he has the perfect view of your breasts.

“Don’t worry. I got this” you lower your hand looking at your clit. You hold on his neck to ride him harder. At the same time, you rub your clit furiously until you scream riding your climax.

Ben makes you stay still with his hands as he lifts his hips, he makes a strangled voice when he comes and then falls back down on the couch.

You take a few seconds to recover yourself and comb his hair. Next, you stand up and complain once again when his dick is out of you. It always hurt a little.

“You could stay a little more” Ben suggests as he sees you already getting dressed. You really recover fast, meanwhile, he still feels he’s on a cloud. But if you give him twenty minutes he’ll ready to go again, maybe he’ll make you crawl naked on the floor.

“Ummm…” you think for a moment. Probably he’s just saying it so you don’t feel bad. It’s the second time he invites you so he must think is the right thing to do. “I’m really tired and I have to get up early today because it’s a weekday and you know, I don’t have change of clothes or anything”.

“Right, it’s Monday, I forgot” he pretends that you staying would be a bad idea. But in reality, who cares if it’s Monday? It’s not even that late.

“And I don’t want to distract you from your work” just like last time, you bent down to leave a kiss on his cheek. “See you later, Benny”.

Ben is about to get frustrated that his plan of making you stay didn’t work but then he realizes you called him Benny. His mom must have been the last person to call him like that. You must see him as more than a one night stand then. But when he realizes all of this, you’re already gone. Just like last time.

He gets rid of the condom and puts comfier clothes, when he picks up the condom box a piece of paper falls down. Taking it in his hand he reads:  _This is my phone number XXX-XXX-XXXX. So you don’t have to go down my floor and feel awkward next time you ask for a booty call ;)_

Ben’s cheeks turn into a vague shade of pink, he felt awkward going to your floor but was it too notorious? Funny how hours ago he was thinking on not seeing you again and now he has your phone number.


	3. A bad case of Sunday blues

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and half of Friday Ben have to fight against the urgency to see you again. Now that he has your phone number it’d be easier to just ask you to come to his apartment. But he not only wants that, he wants you to stay. Why? He doesn’t know, he just took it as a personal goal to achieve. And this time he has a plan that surely, cannot fail.

He hasn’t seen you all week at work, while you’re on floor 21, he’s on floor 28. And you must have different schedules because you haven’t encountered on the elevators.

For the first time in his life, he uses his work to get distracted from a person. By the end of the week, all his tasks have been completed.

Ben walks side to side in his apartment with his phone on hand. How do booty calls work? He’s even tempted to google it but he’d feel pretty stupid.

 _Hey, I’m Ben. You busy?_  he finally sends in a text after writing and erasing words five times.

 _Living the wildlife on a Friday night, dude_  you answer after three long torturous minutes. Along with the message, there’s a picture of your legs laying on a couch. If Ben was horny for you, with the photo, his penis ends up fully hard.

_Come to my place_

_Alright_

_Bring some clothes so you can stay_

_Yes, sir_

_Don’t buy condoms. I bought a whole package_

_K_

Ben can’t differentiate if you’re being sarcastic or just not a fan of long texts.

_How long will you take to get here?_

_I’ll call an Uber so about 20 minutes???_

You get up from your couch and pause the Netflix show you were watching. To be honest, Ben’s invitation wasn’t very appealing but you have no plans this weekend and spending it having sex sounds good. You grab a few clothes, underwear, your toothbrush, a hairbrush, some makeup, and deodorant.

“A hoe’s survival kit,” your cousin says to you when he sees you packing all your stuff. “Do you have your meds?”

“A hoe is always prepared” you laugh. You say goodbye to him with a kiss and type Ben’s address on the Uber app.

* * *

Twenty-eight minutes later, during which Ben took a shower and brushed his teeth, you knock at his door. You’re wearing a loose black dress and white snickers, hanging from your right arm there’s a pink bag.

“Hi” Ben’s naked chest welcomes you. He’s just in his jeans, his hair looks wet and he smells like body wash.

“Did you bring your stuff?” he immediately questions you looking at your bag.

“Yes, dad” you roll your eyes. “But I’m sure you’ll kick me out before tomorrow noon”.

“Shut up” he takes your hand and drags you to his living room. He’s annoyed by your comment. He specifically asked you to stay, why would he kick you out?

“Come” he takes your bag and puts it on the table. He drags you with him to the couch. He lays down while you end up sitting on his lap.

“Again?” you’re surprised Ben likes the same position to have sex every time. “Why do you like so much me being on top?”

“I don’t know” he shrugs. “You move well”.

You roll your eyes and laugh, moving good must be a compliment, right? You decide tonight you can take your time, it’s not a weekday and there’s no alcohol in your system.

You take out your dress and throw it on the floor, you lean down to Ben’s face and pull down the cups of your bra.

“Suck it, titty baby” you joke and finally, finally! Ben laughs at one of your jokes. He takes one of your tits in his hand and squeezes it, his mouth already sucking the hardening nipple.

You grab his face to kiss him and rub yourself against him, the fabric of his jeans feels raspy against your clit.

“Can I touch your clit?” Ben stops the kiss. His lips look red and swollen. Until now, you always touch yourself and just like your nipples, he wants to touch it.

You put your underwear aside and your bundle of nerves looks shiny with your cum.

“Like this?” Ben puts his thumb on it and rubs. He finds curious how it gets wetter and swollen.

“Yeah” you move your hips. The pressure of his big thumb feels amazing, he’s scratching the itch you’ve had since the first time.

You unbutton his jeans and lower the zipper, his hard dick is trapped, resting against his belly.

“You’re using no underwear!” you fake surprise.

“I thought there was no point” he explains without tearing his eyes off your pussy.

After opening the big box with 24 condoms and put one on Ben, you sink down on his cock like the other times. You move your hips back and forward and Ben has to hold on to your lower back. You always feel so warm and wet. And the sensation of the fabric of your underwear brushing against his cock makes it better.

He’s buried deep down in you and you bounce on him, knowing how this pushes him to the edge. You leave short kisses on his mouth alternating with your moans. Ben fumbles with your bra at the back, trying to take it off.

“Let me” you unclasp it using only one hand.

His hands go straight to your breasts, you open more your legs in a way that your clit rubs against his pubic bone.

“Shit” Ben can’t stop himself. Every time gets better. Your nipples rub against his chest sending waves of pleasure to your core.

“Ben, I’m going to come” you babble on his mouth. Ben realizes the more he touches the faster you come so he keeps running his hand along your chest, your waist, and your butt.

“It’s so good” you cry out riding him fast. One more snap of your hips and you come with him groaning at your ear.

Every time Ben has an orgasm, whether is alone or occasionally with another person, he wants to move on to the next thing as fast as possible. The orgasm was reached, his need was satisfied. But your weight on top of him and your deep breaths on his chest makes him hug you and close his eyes. A little post-coital cuddles are needed from time to time, right?

* * *

“I like this stuff you buy” you open a greek yogurt vase and sit at the table with him. He’s typing something on his laptop, a little frown on his forehead is marked.

“Mhm,” he says distractedly. It’s Saturday evening and after the second time of having sex, you decided to take a shower. Ben used that time to get some work done on his computer.

“I should leave. You’re working” you feel ignored by him. Not that you feel particular hurt, you just don’t want to be in a place where you’re not wanted.

“No, wait” Ben’s head snaps at you. You have your hair wet, little drops of water land on the table, and you’re wearing a black shirt of his. “I work better when you’re here”.

“Oh” you dumb laugh. Is this how being a muse feels? “What do you want me to do?”

“Just stay there and eat your yogurt” Ben’s mouth curves into a little smile and returns to his work. He works for one more hour, occasionally putting his hand on your thigh. His thumb brushing in your skin as he looks at the screen in concentration.

* * *

Ben feels he got a bad case of Sunday blues. He has work the next day, it’s seven o’clock, the sun is setting and the worst part: you’re leaving.

“I only used my underwear,” you tell him. You spent the whole weekend practically naked.

“Do you have to leave already?” Ben pouts. He thinks he can make you stay one more night, you can use some of those clothes to work tomorrow.

“You don’t want me to leave?” you smirk at the puppy face he’s giving you. You thought that by this hour he’d be sick of you.

“Stay. A little more” he whines and stretches his hand to you. He’s still laying in bed naked.

“Fine. Just one more hour” you warn him. You don’t want him to notice how happy it makes you that he’s needy for you. You climb on bed and lay at his left side. You throw a leg in the middle of his and your hand travels to his pubic hair.

“My dick feels raw from all the fucking. I can’t go again” he complains when your fingers touch his penis. He’s not used to this amount of sex.

“I don’t wanna have sex. I like how your hair feels. It’s soft” you carefully comb your fingers on it.

“It feels good. Keep going” he sighs and closes his eyes. The hour you promised him is already running and he feels an unknown tug on his chest. It must be the Sunday blues. Little does he know, he’ll have the Sunday blues every weekend for the next two months.


	4. You don’t have to be jealous, Benny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked if Ben was on the spectrum of autism and even though when I was writing him I wasn’t thinking on that, I did some research and he is. However, it won’t be a subject during the fic. There’s a reason why he’s like this and it’ll be explained on chapter 9

“Is that for Ben Solo?” you wonder as you see his name written on some papers.

“Yes, he needs to sign them” your boss answers you. You see she has tons of work so you take your opportunity.

“I can bring them to him” you offer yourself to do it. There are not a lot of chances to see him at work and you like how he looks with a nice shirt and tie.

“Thanks, (Y/N). You’re an angel” your boss smiles at you and gives you the papers.

* * *

You have to stop yourself from hoping of happiness on your way to the elevator. When you arrive at floor 28 you see a familiar face, apart from Ben.

“Hi, Finn”, you met Finn in college when you took a class together.

“(Y/N)! What a surprise you’re visiting us!” Finn’s face lights up when he sees you. He greets you with a kiss on your cheek and asks how you’re doing.

“I’m looking for Ben Solo. I have some papers for him” you show him the stack of papers.

“I’m here” Ben’s voice interrupts your chat. He watched your whole interaction with Finn. Ben know what the word jealousy means but it’s until now he feels it. Why are you laughing like that with him? He never makes you laugh that way. Finn is not even that funny. Thinking about it, he actually doesn’t like him.

“Hi, Ben” you try to say not too formal, not too familiar. The two of you agreed that at work you’re just coworkers, no PDA, no pet names, nothing. That’s the only thing you’ve discussed about your relationship. You still spend the weekends at his place, in that confusing limbo between fuck buddies and a formal relationship.

“Come to my office” he turns around expecting you to follow him. You agreed of treating each other like professionals but he’s acting like a presumptuous asshole.

“I have some papers for you to sign them” you leave the sheet of papers on his desk. Maybe visiting him in the middle of the day was a bad idea.

“Thanks” he doesn’t look at you. He pretends he’s reading the documents as if were super important.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d find wrong with me coming here” you say hurt. You’re acting the way he wanted, aren’t you? What’s wrong with missing him a little and wanting to see him? Or is he embarrassed to be seen with you in public?

“How do you know Finn?”, his question sounds like a demand.

“What?” you were expecting a complain from him because you came, not a conversation about Finn. “We took a class together in college. Are you mad or not?” you need to know if it was wrong what you did.

“Do you like him?”

“What…? No! Ben, what are you talking about?”, his questions got you unprepared.

“Very well, here are your papers” he extends his arm and goes back to his computer. You swallow down your frustration and walk out of his office. Ben from the weekends and Ben from the office are two different guys.

“Are you leaving, (Y/N)?”, Ben hears how Finn asks you outside his office. Why does he have to use that annoying tone?

“Yeah, got what I need” you answer him in that same annoying tone. What’s happening? You acted so cold when you were in here with him.

“Good to see you. Maybe we’ll see each other again at lunch”

“Maybe. Bye, Finn”

Lunch? Do you have lunch with other people? Ben thought you bought something simple and ate it at your desk, just like he does. Do you go on lunch dates? With other men? With Finn? Hell no, that’s not going to happen.

* * *

You’re shutting your computer off, ready to go for lunch. When you turn around, Ben is standing at the entrance of your cubicle. Like the first time, at the party. But unlike that time, you’re not going to do an effort to talk with him.

You see on Ben’s lips a little smirk forming, he walks to you and you step back, his stare intimidates you.

“Ben?” you wonder what’s going on. Less than one hour ago he basically kicked you out of his office and now he came down here.

“Let’s have lunch together” he stops his steps just inches away from you. He sounds authoritative.

“I brought my food. It’s in the break room” you argue. You can feel some of your co-workers are staring, famous Ben Solo has never been seen around here.

“I’ll pay, my treat” he grabs you roughly by the waist and crashes his lips against yours. Before you can protest, you have his tongue deep in your mouth.

Ben doesn’t know if he looks like the protagonist of a chick flick or like a total idiot, doing this performance. He opens his eyes a little and notices some people are looking at you. Good, now everyone will know you’re his.

He has you moaning and making out in the middle of your workplace, surrounded by gossip people. When you break apart, you’re out of breath meanwhile Ben looks so smug.

“Let’s go” he takes your hand and walks to the elevator.

“Are you calling an Uber?” your voice returns to you.

“No, we’re going on my car”.

* * *

“This a nice place” you sit on a small table near to a window. The restaurant looks small but fancy.

“I buy most of my lunches here. You’ll like the salads” Ben shows you what’s good on the menu.

“No, thanks. I want a turkey sandwich and onion rings” you decide and Ben gives you a questioning look.

“I try to eat healthy every day, but if I’m eating out I’ll treat myself” you explain.

“We can have lunch every day together” Ben proposes you and you doubt if he’s talking seriously.

“Ben, I can’t spend $15 every day on a salad or a sandwich”

“I’ll pay it for you”

“Let me rephrase it” you sound sarcastic. “I can’t have you spending $15 every day on food”.

“I wouldn’t mind”

“Thank you but tell me this instead. Why did you act like that when I went to your office?”, a nice lunch isn’t going to make you forget what he did.

“I don’t know. I don’t like when you talk to Finn” Ben diverts his gaze and starts playing with the straw on his water.

“Were you jealous?”

“I don’t know what jealous suppose to feel, but if it makes me feel angry and hate everyone who talks with you, then yes, I was jealous” he pouts and grumbles like a child.

“You’re not very good with your emotions, are you?” you notice. The signs were always there: the first awkward conversation, the need for your validation, the rudeness.

“No, I’m not. Can we eat now?” Ben finishes with the topic when the waiter arrives with your plates.

* * *

“Come. This way” you walk away from the elevators to take the emergency stairs instead.

“Where are we going?” Ben follows you as you guide him with your hand. You open the heavy door and climb almost a whole floor.

“I want to show you you don’t need to be jealous” you kiss him and kneel in front of him. You rub the front of his pants and his cock immediately reacts to your touch. Ben gasps, surprised you’re doing this. He should stop you, it’s wrong to engage in this type of activities at work but you’re finally doing with what he has dreamed since the first time.

“Mmmm” you fill his shaft with kisses and look up at him smiling. You inhale deeply to swallow him whole.

“Fuck” Ben has to grab to the railing. It’s a different sensation than fucking. Your mouth feels damp, your tongue moving and tracing his veins.

“You don’t have to be jealous, Benny” you run your tongue under his cock and it throbs. You swirl your tongue around the head over and over until it leaks pre-cum. His skin feels hot and sticky.

“You have… You have such a dirty mouth” he needs to say something and somehow that feels like the right thing.

“You wanna come in my dirty mouth?” you give him a stroke. Ben only nods with his mouth open.

You determine yourself to give him the sloppiest messiest blowjob of his life so you deep throat him and you don’t let your gag reflex stops you. You hollow your cheeks and bob your head until Ben holds your head and a hot liquid hits the back of your throat. You make sure to moan loud enough as he sees you swallowing his seed.

“Convinced?” you lick your lips and Ben pets you like a kitten.

“There are no cameras here, right?” he remembers.

“Does it really matter now?” you tease him and his laugh rumbles through the walls.


	5. Doubts, Bites and Declarations of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the smut scene, I got inspired on a scene from Girls. Pay attention to the end, it’s important for the story.

“Hi, Ben” you interrupt Ben’s work as you stand on the frame door of his office.

“(Y/N)” Ben’s whole face brightens as he notices your presence.

“Aren’t you too busy? I thought we could have lunch together” you show him the paper bag you’re carrying. “I made enough for both”. When Ben told you about having lunch together every day, you had an idea.

“No, no, sit down” Ben moves all his things making space on his desk. The whole atmosphere of his office changes when you arrive. It’s as the sun shines more through the window.

“I made spicy shrimps and jasmine rice” you begin to take out the containers as Ben observes you. “It’s already heated. I used the microwave”.

“It looks good” his nostrils fill with the fragrance of the food and joy engulfs him because he shares this domestic moment with you.

* * *

“What are you working on?” you wipe your mouth with a napkin and put your fork inside the empty container.

“The new design of the turbines” Ben drags his chair backward. “Come, let me show you”.

You giggle a little as you walk behind the desk and sit on his lap. You see on the computer screen some complicated drawings.

“You drew all of this?”

“Yes, they’re just potential designs” Ben moves your hair aside and pepper kisses on your neck.

“You really like planes, don’t you?” your eyes travel across the perfect lines and curves, the numbers, the calculations.

“Yes, my grandpa was a great pilot. When I was a kid he used to take me on some of his short trips. My mom didn’t like it but we always escaped to do it” Ben chuckles at the memories. Those were the happiest moments of his childhood.

“And you didn’t wanna be a pilot like him?” you turn your head a little to him.

“I considered it but then I discovered I was fascinated by the way planes work. The mere fact that such a heavy huge object can lift to the sky and stay there is amazing. So I decided to study an enginery to design safer and better planes” Ben’s voice has turned up with passion.

“You’re the best, Ben. You’re so smart and creative” you admire that he’s able to work on his passion.

“Thank you” he feels like bursting with joy. You sound so proud of him. Suddenly, he remembers it’s Wednesday, there are two days left for you to come to his apartment. “Hey, I know it’s still Wednesday but you wanna come to my place tonight?”

“Really? Don’t you have to work or something?” you wonder but his face is full of hope you’ll say yes.

“I told you, I concentrate better when you’re there. And I miss you, I don’t wanna wait till Friday” he leans his head on your back and surrounds your waist.

“Okay, I’ve been missing too” you confess. “But don’t make me go on Uber, just wait for me at the entrance of the building”.

“Alright,” he snickers. He’s already thinking all the possible positions where you could ride him.

* * *

“I feel like my tits are on fire,” you say in a whisper as you brush your fingers through Ben’s pubic hair. You’re laying on bed in the usual position while Ben has an arm around your back.

“It’s not my fault you have tasty nipples” Ben turns his head to put a kiss on your forehead. Lately, you can’t get Ben’s mouth away from your breasts.

“Tasty nipples is the best compliment I’ve ever received” you hum.

“I was thinking, I have a dinner with some professors and people from college and since you dress nice and all, would you help me pick up a suit?”

“Sure, when is the dinner?” you look down at Ben’s crotch to see how your fingers form curls in his hair.

“Tomorrow”

“Ben!” you lift your head. “You could have told me before!”

“I just remember it” he fakes a look of innocence so you don’t scold him anymore.

“Oh my God… Fine, we can go to the mall near the office tomorrow at lunch” you put your head back on his chest.

“You’re the best” Ben kisses your forehead again.

* * *

Just as you promised, you and Ben used your lunch hour to go to the mall and choose a suit for his dinner. You convinced him to go for the classic look: black suit and tie and a white shirt. During the whole trip, Ben held your hand, only letting it go to try on the clothes.

“You’ll look good. It suits you so well” you walk back to the office eating a slice of pizza.

“If it wasn’t for you, I’d be lost. You have good taste” Ben thanks you and you walk into the building.

“Will you come with me?” he asks you before you take the elevator.

“T-to the di-dinner?” you babble. You weren’t even offended he didn’t invite you, after all, it’s about his college.

“I can take one person and I thought about you. The last party we were at, we had fun, right?” he smirks remember the annual party of the office.

“Yeah, we did” you laugh. “Um… sure, it’ll be fun. At what time we should be there?”

“Seven. You can go to my apartment and then we’ll leave on my car” Ben is now more excited about this dinner because you’ll be there.

“Okay” you nod and you’re about to walk away when Ben grabs you by the arm.

“Bring your stuff so you can stay. And wear that black dress you have”.

* * *

“I know it’s not the black dress you wanted but I thought this one would be okay,” you say as soon as Ben opens the door. You’re wearing a black tight shoulderless dress with a pair of nude heels. Your hair is up in a messy bun and your mouth on a red matte lipstick.

“No problem. I mean, you look… wow” Ben can’t find the appropriate words to describe you. He thinks he’ll look like he’s just your driver or something.

“You look good too” you smile. “Ready to go?”

“They’ll think I paid you to come with me or something” Ben closes the door and still admires you.

“Ben!”

“No, I’m serious. I’ve never taken anyone before and now I’ll appear with a pretty girl. They won’t believe me” Ben shakes his laughter, he can’t believe his luck.

* * *

“Professor Kenobi, this is (Y/N)” Ben introduces you to an old man with grey hair and intelligent eyes.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Kenobi” your hand shakes a little. This house looks so fancy and big, and all the guests look like intellectuals.

“A pleasure, Ms. (Y/N). I must say I’m surprised. It’s the first time Benjamin brings someone” he says with a kind tone and you smile. The man’s voice warms your heart.

“That’s what I told her” Ben intervenes in the conversation. He can see some of his old classmates taking a look at you so he passes his arm around your waist.

“Well, I’m glad you came. Please, take a seat. Dinner will begin soon” professor Kenobi dedicates one more kind smile to you and walks away to attend the other guests.

“Was he a good teacher?” you wonder and look up at Ben.

“More than that, he was my mentor”.

* * *

“Are you still working for that company, Solo?” a guy whose name is Michael, you think, asks Ben. He’s smiling but he sounds like he’s mocking.

“Yes, I am” Ben looks down at his plate of food.

“You’re wasting your time. You could be teaching at college or doing something productive” Michael continues with his tease. You see how Ben’s fist clenches around his fork.

“Ben is the best engineer I’ve ever met” you interrupt Michael’s stupid chat.

“And you know a lot of engineers, sweetheart?” Michael uses a condensing tone with you.

“Actually, yes. I work at the same company and Ben is the lead engineer of the most important projects. I’ve seen his work, he makes difficult things to look easier. I’d never finish on telling you how business has grown thanks to him” you grab Ben’s fist and you notice how he relaxes. “And most important, he’s working on his dream job doing what he wants”.

“It’s always good to get some recognition. Especially from our loved ones” professor Kenobi laughs at how impetuous and defensive you turned to Ben.

You and Ben don’t say anything, but both of your faces turn red at the mention of “loved ones”.

* * *

“I have to go the bathroom. Then, we can leave” you say to Ben in the lobby of the house. Ben nods and lets go your hand.

He feels dizzy and not because of the wine he drank but for the way you stood up for him with that asshole of Mike. And then, his mentor, professor Kenobi said something about getting recognition from a loved one. Is that what you are to him? Does he love you? He remembers how good you made him feel when you told him he was the best. And how used he is to your presence, to the point that when you’re not around, he needs you. He decides to look for you, not wanting to be another more second apart.

* * *

“Hey, sweetheart” Michael’s voice reaches to you as you open the bathroom door. He’s leaning against the wall, with a smug look and his hands on his pockets.

“Hey” you dryly say and continue your way.

“Wait, wait” he corners you against the wall in this dark hallway. “Such a pretty girl shouldn’t be with that clown of Solo”.

“Oh my God. Just get away from me” you roll your eyes deeply annoyed. You can’t believe this idiot thinks he can flirt with you.

“Are you his girlfriend?” he smirks and leans closer to you.

“Why do you want to know?” you dodge his question because you don’t know exactly what are you to Ben. His friend? His fuck buddy? Friend with benefits? Girlfriend?

“I just wanna know if I have a shot with you”

“You don’t. Trust me” you push him away and walk fastly. You felt his hot breath near you and you shudder disgusted.

* * *

“Why do you want to know?” is what Ben hears from the hallway. Are you his girlfriend? Why didn’t you say anything?

He stays quiet to see what happens next, insecure borns in him. Maybe you’ll go with Mike, he wouldn’t blame you, after all, he’s just the weird guy who treated badly the first time you met.

“I just wanna know if I have a shot with you”, he hears the drunk voice of Mike.

“You don’t. Trust me” you say in a harsh tone he has never heard from you.

“Hi, ready to go?” you emerge from the hallway and Ben fakes he didn’t hear your conversation with Mike.

* * *

“Something’s wrong? You’ve been quiet” you ask Ben as you walk in his apartment. During the trip back home, he didn’t say a word and his hands were tight on the steering wheel.

After a momentary silence, he inhales deeply and says in a low voice, “Get undressed”.

“O-okay” you’re a little taken back by his words but the voice he used makes you feel warm at your core. You unzip your dress from the back and let it fall, then you pull down your panties. When you’re about to take your shoes off, Ben stops you, “No, leave those”.

You stand naked as Ben’s gaze burns into you, you don’t know if he’s mad or aroused. You shiver a little, nervous about what he wants.

“Crawl to my bed” he orders you.

“What?” you think you didn’t hear him well.

“Crawl. To. My. Bed” he repeats his order. His pupils look dark and feral.

Very slowly, you sink down your knees and in fours, you begin to crawl to the bedroom. You don’t know what this is about but being so vulnerable in front of Ben has your pussy already throbbing.

When you’re about to reach the bed, you’re lifted by Ben’s arms and thrown roughly to the mattress. You don’t have time to protest or do something when Ben spreads your butt cheeks and puts his tongue inside of you.

“Ah, Ben” you whine with your hands balling the sheets. He has never eaten you out from behind. Hearing your moans, Ben fucks your harder with his tongue, even using his teeth. His right-hand looks for your clit and rubs it savagely.

“I’m going to come, I’m going to come” you whimper thrusting your hips to his face. Ben slurps your cum and gets up.

“You’re going to come on my cock and nothing else” he rasps and lower his pants.

He invades you with his cock in a long thrust and you stay still with your mouth open. This is the first time when you’re not on top during sex.

He grabs your hips, almost squeezing him, and he begins to jerk his hips at you. You look at him and find a dominant look on his face, it’s like he’s feeling pain and pleasure at the same time. He pushes your head back into the pillow and grabs your waist bending down.

“You like me?” he growls.

“Uhu,” you purr. You let him take you to orgasm.

“You like my cock?”

“So much”

“You like the way I fuck you?”

“I love it”

“Are you mine?” he finally lets out the question that’s been roaming in his mind.

“Yes,” you breath out and arch your back.

“Then say it” he snaps his hips harder. Your butt crashing against him.

“I’m yours” you moan and Ben rewards you with his finger on your clit.

“Again”

“I’m yours”

“Again”

“I’m yours, Ben!. Fuck, I’m yours!” you scream as orgasm rips through your body. This new angle feels differently pleasant from the other times.

“You’re mine” he howls and sinks his teeth on your shoulder blader as he comes. The bite only increases your pleasure.

“Fuck, I didn’t… I didn’t use a condom and… I came inside of you” Ben speaks against your back, still holding you.

“I’m on the pill. I started taking it as a double precaution”

“I’ll never use a condom again” he fills your back with fervent kisses.

* * *

Ben traces with his finger the red circle his teeth formed on your back. You’re sleeping on your front, unaware that he’s still awake. He realizes this is the second day of the week you’ve stayed with him, and it’s not even Friday. He also notices that more of your stuff is scattered on his apartment: your clothes, your make-up, your toothbrush.

He wishes he could tell you what you are to him, so next time someone asks you, you can answer and not dodge the question with another question. But something gets stuck in his throat every time he tries it.

He puts his mouth against your back and moves it forming the sentence  _I love you_  without making any sound. After several times, he whispers, very low “I love you”. He tastes the phrase on his mouth and does it again, “I love you, (Y/N)”.

He hopes one day he’ll learn how to say it aloud and with you awake. Perhaps, you’ll say it back. Meanwhile, he has to settle with this.


	6. Birthday boy fucks everything up

Ben taps his legs anxiously as he looks at the hour on his computer over and over. Today is his birthday and he’s waiting for you to have lunch. Maybe you’ll give him a blowjob on the emergency stairs like that time you did months ago. That would be a nice birthday gift.

“Birthday boy” you knock on Ben’s open door.

“That’s me” he shamelessly grins. He used to be indifferent towards his birthdays but after the fuck you gave him this morning, him half-sleep, you riding him, he’s pretty excited.

“I brought you your gift. And this” you put a medium size package and a cupcake with vanilla frosting on the desk.

“I’d say you shouldn’t have bothered but I don’t care, I’m excited” he throws his hands to the package that is wrapped in brown paper and a red bow. After tearing it apart, he stares at it.

“(Y/N)… I don’t know what to say… This is… amazing” he whispers as he sees the cover of an old book, the pages filled with airplane manuscripts.

“Your professor, Mr. Kenobi, helped me get it. I don’t know the owner but it’s around the time when planes were invented. I found it in a pawn shop” you proudly explain how you got the perfect gift.

“I’m speechless” he stands up from his hair and kneels in front of where you’re sitting. “I… I…” he struggles to say the words he said the other night when you were asleep. “I’m so thankful, for everything”. It’ll be another occasion.

“You’re welcome” you comb his hair. “I thought we could go out to eat lunch to celebrate”.

“Can I eat my cupcake first?” he takes the dessert in his hand.

“It’s for dessert!”

“It’s my birthday, I can do whatever I want” he takes a big chunk of it and offers it to you.

* * *

“Did you have fun?” you enter Ben’s floor holding his hand. You got extra dessert at the restaurant saying it was his birthday.

“Yeah, I can’t wait to get home to read the book”

“Hello, Ben. And…?” a ginger man appears in your way. He’s almost as tall as Ben but slimmer. His clothes as his hair are impeccable. He offers you a polite smile but his eyes stay the same, judging you, analyzing you.

“(Y/N)” you introduce yourself.

“A pleasure, (Y/N). I’m Hux” he smirks and you don’t understand what could be so funny.

“Do you need something, Hux?” Ben finds it weird Hux showed interesting in you.

“Not at all, I just wanted to introduce myself to the girl who brings you lunch” Hux’s smile is still there but his tone is rude. He made it sound as if you were Ben’s maid.

“The girl who eats lunch with him” you correct him. “I’ll see you later, Benny” you stand in your tiptoes to reach Ben’s cheek and don’t bother to say goodbye to Hux.

“Is she your girlfriend?” Hux questions Ben when you already left.

“I guess so” Ben mumbles. He considers you his girlfriend but it’s a topic that hasn’t been discussed between the two of you yet.

“If you don’t know, then she’s not your girlfriend” Hux implants the seed of doubt on Ben’s mind.

“What do you mean?”

“It means she’s probably fucking two other guys beside you. And you can’t say anything because, well, she’s not your girlfriend” Hux finally drops his bomb.

“That’s not true” Ben balls his fists. Hux doesn’t know you, he has no right to talk about you like that.

“It is true. Don’t believe me if you don’t want to. Soon you’ll see reality when you find her being fucked by another guy on her bed” Hux’s heart beats of joy at the suffering of others. He thinks he has said enough so he retires to his office. Now he has to wait until the dropped bomb explodes.

* * *

Ben spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about Hux’s words. It’s true you’re not his official girlfriend. Would you use that as an excuse to see other people? The more he gives attention to his situation, the worse it looks. Little ideas like pins stab his heart and mind. The night he saw you with Mike, the way you talk to Finn, how you’re always smiling to everyone and the texts you’ve been receiving from someone called Poe Dameron. He doesn’t even know where you live! Pretty clever from your part.

Now that he puts all of that together it’s clear you don’t see this relationship as exclusive. Anger floods his veins and he sets his mouth in a hard line. How could he be oblivious to what was happening? You’ve been taking advantage of him, you know he’s not good at socializing so it’s obvious he wouldn’t fool around with other girls. Well, not anymore, he lifts his gaze to one window and sees Jill, another coworker, working on her computer.

“You’ll know what it feels” Ben stands up determined. He fixes the neck of his shirt and tie. If he managed to sleep with you being rude, then it’ll be a piece of cake to get a date with Jill acting nice.

* * *

You walk to Ben’s apartment humming a melody and balancing a bag from Victoria’s Secret. Naive Ben must think gifts are over but you still have one more surprise. When you turn the corner, arriving at Ben’s door, you see him outside with a girl.

“Hi” you greet both of them. You wonder if she’s a friend of his that came to wish him a happy birthday.

“(Y/N)” Ben uses a harsh tone.

“Ben” you mimic him. “Hi, I’m (Y/N)” you turn to the girl.

“Hi, I’m Jill” she looks uncomfortable, her eyes travel from you to Ben.

“Are you Benny’s friend?”

“N-no. I work with him and he asked me out” she says and looks at Ben as if she’s not sure she’s correct.

“Excuse me, what?” you must heard wrong.

“I invited her to a date” Ben holds your stare. He’s not backing up from this. You used him, now it’s time for you to see you shouldn’t mess with him.

“What?” you feel how the situation has turned into something completely bizarre.

“I said I invited to go out with me” Ben spits out his words.

“Why?”

“Why not? I don’t have any compromise, I can do whatever I want and date whoever I please”

“Maybe I should leave” Jill intervenes.

“No, no” you realize the feelings in this relationship were only from your side. But you’re not giving Ben the pleasure to see you breaking down, so you gulp down hard and add “Please, stay, Jill. I’m the one who should leave”.

“Goodbye, Ben. Happy birthday” you turn around like a reject pet from the animal shelter. A heavy silence surrounds everything and you feel your whole body going numb. At least, they won’t see you cry.

“Maybe you should go to her” Jill whispers when she sees how your face did a 180º turn, going from happy to broken.

“Um, yeah, I probably should” Ben babbles nonsense. He took an impulsive decision and now you’re gone. Worst fucking birthday ever.

* * *

When you walk two floors down you can’t hold it anymore. You crumble down, against the wall. A heartrending scream comes out of your throat and you grab your chest wanting to rip your heart out to not feel this pain. Where did you go wrong? When did you see things as they weren’t? How he could have stood there, with another girl, and tell you he could do what he pleases? You break down in tears and throw the Victoria’s Secret bag against the wall with all your rage.

“You’re so stupid, so stupid,” your mind tells you over and over. Weren’t you enough for him? After everything you did? He threw you like a piece of garbage, like a worthless piece of trash who doesn’t deserve his attention.

“(Y/N)” Ben pants as he runs and finds you on the stairs. He just needs one look at you to realize how big he fucked up this time.

“No!” you roar at him and get up to be away from him.

“(Y/N), listen” he tries to fix things but this time he has gone too far. This isn’t about being ruder or awkward, this is about he took your heart and broke it into a thousand of pieces to then, get rid of it.

“I hate you! I fucking hate you!” you curse at him with all the hate your love makes you feel.

“Let me explain, please” he begs you and approaches you.

“Get away from me!” your chin trembles and your face is stained with tears. “I hope you fucking die, Ben Solo! I hope you suffer and die! Because I fucking hate you!”

Ben takes a risky step and hugs you but you’re into deep in your anger. You fight against his hold, kicking your legs, biting his arms. In the middle of your rampage, you slip down and sprint your ankle.

“Don’t ever look for me again because you won’t find me” your eyes are bright but this time is from pure raw hate.

* * *

Somehow, you’re able to walk the rest of the stairs by yourself, the injury in your ankle is still warm so it doesn’t hurt too much. You take out your phone and press the Uber app but you feel you can’t do this right now, so instead, you dial a number.

“Hey!” a voice answers the call.

“Poe? Could you pick me up?” you say between sobs.

“(Y/N)? What happened?”

“Just pick me up, please. I’m at Ben’s apartment. Please, hurry” you don’t want to answer questions right now.

“I’m on my way” he hangs up and runs to take his keys.

* * *

Ben drags his feet back to his apartment, he can’t believe everything went to shit on his birthday. He couldn’t ever say the words  _I love you_ to you but he could tell all that bullshit when you arrived and he was with Jill.

“Is everything alright?” Jill asks and Ben is surprised to see her here. He almost forgot about her.

He’s about to tell her to fuck off, that’s what old Ben would have done but he remembers how you used to scold him to be nicer to people.

“No, Jill. I made a mistake by asking you out. I apologize but  I don’t think I can do this. I hope you understand” he sighs defeated. He doesn’t care if Jill gets mad, he did his part.

“It’s okay. I hope everything works out for you” Jill feel empathetic to Ben but decides to leave him alone. Alone, like he always has been. Alone, like he’s supposed to be so he doesn’t hurt the others.

* * *

“What happened?” Poe jumps out of his car and flies to you.

“Ben” you sob in his chest unceasingly, hands clutching at his shirt. “He cheated on me, I don’t know what happened, he was just with another girl”.

“He did what?” anger begins to born on Poe.

“I don’t know! I was so stupid, I thought he loved me” the painful true sinks down in you.

“Let’s go home” Poe grinds his teeth. He never liked your relationship with Ben but he never thought it’d end like this.

“All my stuff is in there” you collapse again. “And I think I sprint my ankle”.

“Leave your stuff there. I can fix that later. Let’s just get away from here” Poe helps you walk to his car. When he gets in too, he has to help you to put the seatbelt. The crying has stopped but your eyes look empty and absent. You’re having a silent panic attack. Thoughts run wildy inside your head, leaving you paralyzed to ask for help.

Poe knows the only thing he can do is hold your hand, hoping you return from your panic attack safe and complete.  


	7. An old book is the only memory I have left from you

Ben snaps his eyes open immediately remembering what happened yesterday. He feels as if his brain was poured into a blender and then put it back in his head.

As he gets ready for work he sees some of your clothes around the bedroom, your bag of makeup and toothbrush in the bathroom and your favorite snack: greek yogurt in the fridge.

He checks his phone and sees it has low battery. Last night, he stayed awake until two in the morning calling you and texting you. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t answer, today he’ll look for you at work and fix things. All his life, his plans have always worked so this time it won’t be the exception, he says to himself as he knots his tie.

* * *

“Where’s (Y/N)?” Ben asks the girl whose cubicle is next to yours. He came to look for you at your work post as soon as he arrived.

“She quit, didn’t you know?” the girl tells him a little surprised. She thought Ben was your boyfriend.

“When did she quit?” Ben thinks this must be a mistake. Maybe she’s confusing you with somebody else.

“She came super early this morning and gave her resignation to her boss”

“Shouldn’t you give a two-week notice to do that?” Ben still thinks it’s impossible you left.

“Normally it’s like that but she gave up on her compensation so basically nothing could hold her here” the girl shrugs.

“How did she look like?”

“Uh?”

“Did she look fine? How she was dressed?”

“Um, she was wearing a sweatshirt and some leggings” your former coworker tries to remember how you looked. “Now that you mention it, her eyes looked red, like she was crying. But she said goodbye to everyone”.

A line appears between Ben’s brows, he turns around ignoring the girl who gave him the worst answer he could hope for. He returns to his office and lets himself fall into his chair. He stares absently at his computer screen, where does he go from here? He only has your phone number and you’re not answering. He doesn’t know where you live, your friends, your family. He’s even tempted to create a Facebook account to look for you.

“Where’s your lunch bringer?” Hux stands on the frame door.

“She quit” Ben can’t even be mad at Hux. He still processing the fact that you’re gone, you disappeared.

“What a shame” Hux smirks and turns around. The bomb has exploded and it gave him the satisfaction of ruining someone’s life. Now, it’s time to look for the next victim.

Ben lifts his gaze to the place where Hux was standing, he blinks the tears away. Will he feel better if he punches him in the face? Probably. Will it solve anything? Definitely not.

* * *

One month has passed and your absence hurts deeper in Ben’s life. He hasn’t moved any of your stuff, he needs to recreate the feeling you’re still here everytime he arrives from work, everytime he wakes up in the morning, everytime he feels he’s going insane.

He put some of your clothes on the side of the bed where you used to sleep, your fragrance reaches to him and if he closes his eyes he can pretend you’re here.

He barely functions at his job, when he was with you he was able to advance in his project fast, so, for now, he doesn’t have any problem if he slacks a little. But lunch hour is the worst, his instinct makes him turn his eyes to the door, hoping he’ll see you there, smiling and carrying a brown paper bag. He even swallowed his proud and asked Finn if he had any form to contact you but he told him you’re not that close.

Ben lays on his couch, his laptop on his lap. He’s thinking if it’d be too weird to hire a private investigator to find you, but he’s desperate. All his resources have run out.

He unlocks his phone one more time to make sure he has no messages, it’s dumb, he’d have heard it. Then, a message with your name appears on his screen. His thumb shakes a little and at first, he can’t open it.

_I need to pick up my stuff. Please, tell me when it’d be convenient for you._

Ben has to read the message again to make sure it’s from you, even if it’s a text you sound so cold, so different.

 _Can we talk?_  he types.

_I just want my stuff back. Please, don’t make this harder._

Ben stares at the screen confused. What could he say to make you change your mind? There’s so much he needs to tell you but not by text.

 _Please, tell me when it’d be convenient for you,_  you’re practically texting the same over and over.

 _Tomorrow, at 6 pm_  Ben answers. At least this way, you’ll come and he’ll be able to explain it all.

 _Very well_  is the last message Ben receives from you. However, a little light of hope borns in his heart. You’re coming tomorrow, he’s going to see you.

* * *

Ben has been waiting for you since five o’clock. He intentionally dressed casually, with a black t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He sits in the living room, tapping his right foot anxiously.

At six o’clock exactly someone knocks at the door and he has to stop himself to run to the door. He walks at a normal pace and takes a deep breath before open the door.

“You’re not (Y/N)” Ben blurts out when he sees a guy standing outside.

“Of course I’m not. Do you think I will let her come here?” the guy sounds confident and even though he’s not as tall as Ben, he makes him step back.

“Who the fuck are you? She told me she’ll come” Ben tries to regain the control of this situation.

“Poe and no, I’m the one who texted you from (Y/N)’s phone, she needs her stuff back and this is the easiest way” Poe pushes Ben and steps in the apartment.

“You’re Poe Dameron? Are you fucking (Y/N)?” jealously invades Ben imagining you moved on and have a new boyfriend.

“She’s my cousin, dude” Poe makes a grimace of disgust. “What the hell is your problem?” he shakes his head and begins to gather all your stuff.

“She’s (Y/N) Dameron?” Ben follows Poe through all his apartment. He looks like he’s the guest and Poe is the owner.

“She’s (Y/N) (L/N) Dameron. Jesus, you don’t even know her last name” Poe promises himself he wouldn’t engage in any type of conversation with Ben but it’s impossible not to react.

“I didn’t know…” Ben lowers his head like a scolded kid.

“I think I have everything, at least the important things” Poe put your belongings in the pink bag you brought the first weekend you stayed here.

“Could you… Could you tell her something from my part?” Ben pleads Poe with no dignity. This might be his last chance.

“No” Poe turns around and walks to the door.

“Please!” Ben follows him and grabs his arm.

“Listen, Ben” Poe pushes Ben against a wall and makes him stay there with his elbow. “I got my cousin in our apartment crying every night and being absent every day. Her anxiety got worse but since you don’t know her last name I’m sure you don’t know that either”.

“She has anxiety?” Ben mumbles and Poe pushes him harder.

“She has it since she was a teen, takes meds and all. There’s nothing that scares (Y/N) most that the uncertainty of the future. That’s why I didn’t want her to be with you, you gave her nothing, nothing in concrete. She deserves to be with someone who can give her security and love”.

“I can give her that!”

“You’re really funny. Funny like all those times when you let her go home in an Uber instead of you taking her” Poe says sarcastically and lets Ben go. Before Poe walks out taking the last pieces of you, Ben adds something more, “Can you tell her I miss her?”

“ _No tienes madre, pinche_  Ben” Poe shakes his head sadly that his cousin got involved with someone like Ben.

* * *

 _Living the wildlife on a Friday night_  Ben remembers the first text you ever sent him. It was minutes before he invited you to spend the weekend with him.

“Living the wildlife” Ben cheers to no one holding a bottle of beer. Before you, he wasn’t very social but now he has locked himself in total hibernation mode, just leaving the house for work and grocery shopping.

Around midnight, he gets up to grab the book you gave him on his birthday, it’s the only tangible memory he has of you.

He runs his finger through the yellow pages, not even him could have thought of something so special to have. Poe’s words from three weeks ago come back to his mind. He realizes he knows nothing about you, never made the effort to learn more about you. Meanwhile, you took care of him with little gestures: the birthday present, the lunches you prepared, when you stood up for him at that dinner, fuck, he even misses the way you used to run your fingers on his pubic hair. Without you, his life has collapsed.

The ringtone of his phone breaks the silence at his apartment and takes him out of his misery. It’s you. You’re calling him. Or Poe, he bitterly remembers. He takes the phone and pushes the green button to answer.

“Hello?” he feels he hasn’t used his voice for ages.

 _“Benny Boy!_ ” you greet him back.


	8. Ugly Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: dubious consent. NSFW content but not particular nice, read with precaution.

“Hello?” he feels he hasn’t used his voice for ages.

“Benny Boy!” you greet him back.

“(Y/N)” he’s surprised is your voice he’s hearing.

“Yeah, it’s me. Listen… are you busy?” your voice sounds drowned by some loud music and other voices.

“N-no”

“Can I come?” you ask in a fast breath.

“Yes, of course. When?” Ben stands up and begins walking through his place.

“Uuhh, ok, yes. Let me get an Uber and I’ll be there” you stumble in your words. 

Ben is about to ask what you’re talking about but you already hung up.  _Let me get an Uber and I’ll be there,_  that means you’re coming over right now. He runs to the bathroom to brush his teeth and tame his hair a little.

* * *

“(Y/N)” he runs to open the door, not caring if he looks desperate.

“Sup?” you lift your head as a greet and enter Ben’s apartment. You’re wearing a tight short dress and you’re barefoot, your heels are in your hand. “Let’s do this” you throw your purse and shoes away and get out of your dress. You crouch to take your underwear off and bent over the dining table with your legs open.

“Come on, Benny. I know you wanna get in here” you wiggle your butt and look behind you to see Ben standing looking awestruck by your behavior.

“What’s going on?” Ben asks confused. He has never seen you acting like that.

“Pussy” you murmur and roll your eyes. You get up and sit on the table, you spread your legs again and begin to rub your clit.

“Don’t you miss me? Don’t you want this cunt?” you groan on a lower tone and Ben’s body reacts to your actions. “Yes, you do” you smirk seeing the tent on his pants. Ben is bewitched by you and steps forward, he unzips his jeans and his dick springs out. He gulps down and stretches his hand to your face but you slap him away, “Just put it in”.

“You’re not even wet” Ben knows your body too well.

“It’s fine” you exclaim annoyed. You grab him by the hips and grabbing his cock you fuck yourself with it.

“Fuck” you complain at the sudden pain. Ben’s knees tremble, you’re not wet as usual but you still feel good. He runs his hands on your thighs and with his mouth looks for a kiss.

“No kisses” you put your hand on top of his mouth and turn your head away. You buck your hips telling him to move.

“Why can’t I kiss you?” he’s hurt at how you rejected him.

“Just fuck me”

After a few more thrusts, Ben notices you’re not moving your hips and your arms are hanging at your sides. His dick goes soft at the morbid thought that it feels like fucking a dead body. He moves his eyes to your face and finds it full of tears.

“Fuck, fuck” he steps away immediately, putting his dick back inside of his jeans. But you don’t react, you just sit there, naked and silent crying, like a broken doll.

“(Y/N), are you okay? Did I hurt you?” he calls you but you don’t move, your eyes look too nowhere in particular.

“You can’t kiss me because I’ll fall in love with you again,” you say in a whisper and move your eyes to him. Fear sits on Ben at how intense you look at him and he flinch back. He swears your eyes look darker and bigger.

“You love me?” he mutters under his breath. When he takes one step to you, you get up and push him by the chest.

“You have such an ugly heart!” you scream at him. You punch him with your fists, wanting to hurt him, wanting to make him suffer. “You used me! You used me as a combination of your mother and a sex doll!”

Ben tries to grab your arms and puts them around him. He hugs you back in an attempt to calm you.

“I wish… I wish I could be like you and feel nothing” you sob hidden in his chest. Funny how the person who can make you suffer the most, it’s also the only one who can make you feel this good on his arms. “I hate you. I hate you so much because I can’t forget you”.

“I deserve it. I deserve all the worst” Ben admits. He deserves your hate, your anger, your despite.

“Can you call me an Uber?” you change abruptly the topic.

“No” Ben is not going to repeat his mistakes. “If you wanna go home, I’ll take you”.

“I’m too drunk to remember my address and you don’t know where I live” you let your arms fall aside and lean against Ben’s body.

“So how I was going to call for an Uber?” Ben feels his chest constricted. You came here just because you were drunk, that’s why you were acting so weird.

“I don’t know” you whine a little.

“You’ll stay here” Ben is practically carrying you, your body has gone limp.

“I don’t wanna stay in the bed where you fuck all your whores” you fight against his hold.

“Then stay on the couch” Ben knows it’s useless to argue with you.

You sigh already falling asleep so Ben takes that as a yes. He carries to his couch and carefully lays you on it. Then, he takes out his shirt and puts it on you. He’s sure you won’t like to wake up naked. He goes to his bedroom for a blanket and covers you with it, he sits on the floor next to you. You’re already deep asleep thanks to the alcohol.

“I love you, (Y/N)” he says this time a little bit louder.

* * *

Ben wakes up startled by a phone ring that it isn’t his. He fell asleep combing your hair, his head on a little space of the couch. He gets up from the floor and takes the phone out of your purse. It’s 4 am.

“Hello?” he says half asleep.

 _“Hijo de puta_ ” Poe curses when Ben answers your phone. “What did you do to her? Where are you?”

“Listen, Poe. She was drunk and came to my place, I didn’t do anything. I just let her sleep here until she’s sober” Ben locks himself in the bathroom so you don’t wake up.

“I’m coming for her”

“No, look, it’s four in the morning. Just let her sleep, she needs to rest. I promise, no, I swear for my life I won’t hurt her” Ben hopes he sounds sincere enough.

After a long silence in which Poe thinks about what he should do, he says “Make sure she takes her meds at 8 am. They’re in her purse”.

After hanging up, Ben returns to your side and admires your peaceful face as you sleep. He sits down on the floor again and takes your hand to put it on his head. He feels like a junkie, this thing he’s doing is just a little dose of your love, not even real, but it’s what keeps him sane.

* * *

“(Y/N)? (Y/N), wake up” you hear a voice from afar. You can’t open your eyes because you feel dizzy, you try to shake it but your head hurts.

“Wake up, you need to take your meds” someone shakes you by the shoulder.

“Poe?” you wonder.

“No, Ben. Here, take them” Ben helps you get up a little and puts two little pills in your mouth and a glass of water. You swallow hard and then finish the water.

“Go back to sleep,” Ben tells you and you put your head back down. He kisses your cheek and his facial hair brushes against your skin.

“It tickles” you giggle and fall asleep again.

* * *

 _She’s still sleeping_  Ben texts Poe from your phone.

_It’s noon_

_She’s hangover_

_Fine. Keep me in touch_

Ben thinks for a moment what else he can do to make you feel better, he googles some address on his phone and sees that the business he’s looking for has delivery. This thing, a couple of aspirins and a Gatorade will be a good kit for your hangover.

* * *

You wake up in a bundle of groans and complains, everything hurts, especially your head. As you open your eyes you see you’re in Ben’s apartment. Flashbacks from last night come back to you. “Fuck” you’re so embarrassed about what drunk you did.

“How are you feeling? I bought you breakfast” Ben asks across the kitchen. He’s sitting on a chair with a bag of food.

“What time is it?” you rub your eyes and they get stained with your mascara.

“Three in the afternoon.”

“Then it’s not breakfast. It’s lunch” you sit on the couch with the blanket tangled around your legs.

“Fine, I bought you lunch” Ben stands up and offers you the bag. “It’s a turkey sandwich, french fries and onion rings. Fried food for your hangover”.

“I wanna go home” you leave Ben with his arms lifted to you. He sighs downhearted, he knows he’s being selfish wanting for you to forgive him but he can’t help it.

“Okay, let’s go. I’ll drive you”

“N-no… I don’t wanna be near you. After what happened last night, I don’t feel comfortable around you” you feel the sobs forming in your chest.

“Let me call Poe at least” he’s deeply hurt but is not your fault. The ten minutes he takes to arrive must be the most awkward of your life.

“He’s here” you read on your phone and stand up taking your dress, heels, and purse.

“Here, take it” he gives you the food he bought for you.

“Thanks for the breakfast” you try to smile but you can’t. You just can’t.

“Lunch,” he says.

You only shrug and take the bag of food. Ben stares at the door after you close it. How stupid from him thinking that if you came here, you’d fix things. Now it seems everything has gotten worse.


	9. Closure

“Are you feeling better?” Poe sits next to you on the couch. It’s Sunday morning and you’re reading a novel.

“I got drunk on Friday. The hangover is already gone” you chuckle and put the book aside.

“I’m not talking about that, (Y/N)”, Poe’s eyes darken with sadness. He’s worried about what happened on the weekend.

“It was just a one-time thing. It won’t happen again” you lower your gaze ashamed.

“I won’t be always here to take care of you” Poe puts a hand on top of your knee. “What you did on Friday, yes, you did it drunk but it meant something”.

“I can’t forget him, Poe. I love him” tears fall down your face, a wave of agony hits you.

“You need closure”

“What?” you sniff.

“You never spoke to him about what happened. Maybe you need to hear what he has to say” your cousin suggests.

“What he could possibly have to say? Wasn’t it clear when I saw him with that girl?” you wipe your tears angry.

“Perhaps you need to hear from him “I don’t love you. I never care for you”. That way you’ll be able to move on. You can’t spend your whole life sitting on this couch hoping one day you wake up and don’t remember him anymore”.

“I don’t know” you’re not sure about Poe’s idea.

“Just think it about. I’ll support you in whatever you choose” Poe gets up and before he leaves, he kisses you on your forehead. More than a cousin, he’s a big brother to you: a pain in the ass but always there when you need him.

* * *

 _I need closure_  you text Ben. You bite your lip nervously, you’re not sure if he’ll answer. A wave of nausea flows downs your stomach.

 _I understand_  he immediately responds.

_Do you think we can see each other to talk?_

_Of course. I’m willing to do whatever you need._ You’re so tempted to insult him like the past times. Now he feels to act polite and kind.

_Are you free tonight?_

_Yes_

_Can’t we meet in a public place?,_  you don’t care if you sound harsh. You don’t want to be alone with him. 

 _How about the restaurant where we used to eat lunch?_  That’s a low punch. He’s making you remember the good times.

_Yes, at 7 pm_

_I’ll be there_

You sigh and put your phone aside. As much as it hurts, Poe is right, you need to hear from Ben’s mouth that he doesn’t love you, that he never did.

* * *

Ben arrives fifteen minutes earlier to the date, he chooses a table near a window so he can see when you arrive. He orders a glass of water with ice and waits. At 7.05 he sees you getting out from an unknown car, probably an Uber. Today you’re wearing a pair of jeans and a simple blouse, your face looks free from makeup. So different from how you looked on Friday night. He doesn’t understand how you can look equally astounding in both styles but you do, and his heart beats fast at the view of you.

“Hi” you arrive at the table and stay standing.

“Hi” Ben stands up and offers you a chair.

“Thanks” you blankly say. You sit in front of him and he dismisses the waiter that was approaching to take your order.

“You look very pretty tonight. You always do” he smiles but the atmosphere feels heavy.

“You already said that the first night. I didn’t come for that” you reject his compliment. You’re not falling on that again.

“Yeah, right” Ben stirs in his seat. There’s no need for you to tell him why you’re here. You both know it. You stare at him, waiting for answers. Ben realizes this is the time where he has to suck it up and tell you all, it’s the last chance he might have to get you back. He opens his mouth but no sound comes out of it.

“I’m leaving. This was a mistake” you roll your eyes and stand up. You don’t know what you were expecting, he’s the same Ben of always.

“One day you asked me if I wasn’t good with my emotions and I told you no, but I didn’t tell you why” Ben almost shouts at you. The sight of you leaving him again gave him the courage to finally speak. You stop on your steps and look at him, to see what more he’s gotta say.

“(Y/N), I need you to sit and listen. Listen and don’t interrupt me. What I’m about to tell you I’ve never told to anyone before” he pleads you. There’s no coming back from this, you might despise him, even hate him, but at least you’ll know the truth.

“Okay…” you sit back on the chair and rest your hands on your lap.

“When I was a kid I was very shy and introvert” he rubs the palms of his hands against his legs. “I had dfficulty to communicate with the others, I didn’t have any friend at school. My only interests were books and planes. And my parents were the opposite. Both of them. They were very social and charismatic so when they ended up with a kid like me they didn’t know how to act. They couldn’t understand me and I couldn’t understand them and that’s how I grew up. I’m not saying they mistreated me or anything, but I was always alone. At least it felt like that” Ben’s voice breaks when he remembers his childhood. “The only one who understood me was my grandpa but he died when I was thirteen. After that, everything went to hell, I became an angsty teenager, I used to… I used to hit the wall of my bedroom until my knuckles bled. I hated my parents, I hated everything. If before they didn’t get me, that period of time was worse. One night, we were fighting, I don’t remember why probably something stupid like me wanting to dump school or something. I remember we were in the kitchen, the three of us screaming at each other, I don’t know how it happened, anger blinded me but before I knew it, I had a knife buried in my dad’s chest” Ben has never said the story out loud, not even when he was alone.

“Ben…” you gasp. You weren’t expecting a story like this one.

“I didn’t kill him, turned out I stabbed him near his shoulder and it was a superficial wound but it was the fact that I tried to hurt him. Hurt him seriously. After that, they sent me to live with my uncle Luke one year, when I turned eighteen I went to college. I became more lonely, I didn’t like my classmates, I didn’t like the girls. I just focused on my studies, determined to be the best so I won’t ever ask anything from my parents again. You could say that professor Kenobi, an old man, was my only friend” Ben shakes his head and laughs bitterly.

“I’m really sorry you went through all that but it doesn’t answer any of my questions” you twist your mouth.

“(Y/N)” Ben buries his eyes on you. “The reason I’m telling you all of this is because I need you to understand that I never learned how to process my feeling and emotions. It’s until now, thanks to you, that I’m starting to do it. That’s why I was so rude to you the first night, it was my normal way to be, I thought you were just annoying me or messing with me but you kept pushing and pushing and when you kissed me the hard shell of my heart begun to melt”.

“I don’t understand…”

“You were so patient and loving with me and before I knew I needed you in my life, I needed you to feel at peace. It reached the point that you felt like oxygen, you have no idea how much those lunches you brought me mean to me, how much I miss your touch, even if it’s not sexual, I can’t work because you’re not there, I can’t concentrate, I can’t do anything. I’m useless without you, (Y/N)” Ben exposes his heart to you, he leaves it vulnerable for you to do whatever you want with it.

“Then why you were with her?” you sob at the memory of him and Jill at his apartment’s door.

“Hux filled my head with mad ideas about how you weren’t my girlfriend because we never made it official”.

“We were practically living together!” you exclaim offended that it was partly your fault because you never made it “official”.

“I know! But at that moment I couldn’t see it, it was like when I hurt my dad, I couldn’t think straight”.

“You could have talked to me” you break down in tears, you don’t care if you’re making a scene.

“Didn’t you hear what I said? I don’t know how to process my feelings” Ben hears himself and realizes how unfair it must be for you. You don’t have to deal with a man like him. “(Y/N), I’m going to say something I haven’t say since I was a kid… I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry”

“Did you fuck her?”

“I sent her away as soon as you left and I returned to the apartment. I wanted to tell her to fuck off or something rude but I remember you would have scolded me”. Ben sees how your face forms a hint of a smile. It’s little but it’s something. “No other person has put up with me so much like you’ve done, not even my parents. I know I have no right to say this but I wish you could give me another chance, I need you with me, (Y/N), to explain to me how things work. I swear I won’t ever do something like that night, never again. It’d be just you and me. If you accept me, of course”.

“You let Hux sneak between us”, you look down at your hands. “And you really hurt me”.

“I know” Ben knows he has just lost. “I understand. It was too much to ask from my part. Don’t worry. At least now you know the truth and maybe you won’t hate me so much”.

“I don’t hate you,” you say and lift your head. You see Ben’s hands laying on the table. “Let’s have dinner and then we’ll see” you put your hand on top of his and grab the menu. You hope you’re making the right decision.

Ben tries to fight against the wide smile forming on his lips, he’s scared that you might regret it. During dinner, he doesn’t let go your hand.

* * *

“So… you wanna wait with me for my Uber to arrive?” you’re outside the restaurant. Ben still refuses to let your hand go.

He knows he hasn’t earned that chance he wants yet. He needs to start acting right, give you the security and love you crave, just like Poe said. He looks down at you and with his other hand he grabs your face, “Let me take you home”.

* * *

“Can I come in?” Ben looks like a scared puppy. He wants to know where you live, how you live, what pictures you have hanging on the wall, the food you keep in your fridge. He wants to know everything about you.

“Um, listen, I’m still processing what happened the other night” you avoid his gaze, unsure how to say it. “In fact, I’m still processing everything. I’m not ready to sleep with you yet”.

“No, no, that’s not what I meant” Ben explains you. “The other night, you know I would never force myself on you, if I know you were drunk I wouldn’t have done anything. I guess the excitement to see you again didn’t let me see you weren’t conscious to make a right choice. And I stopped immediately when I noticed your state. Right now, I just wanna spend more time with you” he wants to leave very clear that he’d never take advantage from you. That night you both made mistakes and he’s sure you can work through them.

“I know, I know. I guess it’s more about me dealing with myself and the things I did while drunk” you touch Ben’s arm as both of you stand at your door. “We can cuddle. Poe’s not here so…” you snicker.

* * *

“I think I know why I always wanted to you to be on top” Ben whispers as you lay face to face. You’ve been spending the time giving each other light kisses and caresses. “Remember you asked me?”

“Mhm. Why?” you run your hand down his torso and put it under his shirt. You feel how Ben’s body shudders.

“Because you made me feel protected and loved. I never felt like that before” his gaze gets sad.

“Thank you” you hug him with your arms and legs. You want to tangle with him and stay like this all night. “For trusting me and telling me your story. I promise I’ll take care of your heart if you take care of mine”.

“From now on, always” he puts a kiss on top of your head. Both of you sigh satisfied with being each other’s arm again. After a few moments of silence, Ben speaks again. “What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

“Nothing. I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving” you mumble sheltered by his body.

“Me neither but I was thinking if you would like to go to have dinner with my parents?”

“You want me to meet your parents?” you lift your head to make sure he’s talking seriously.

“No”, his thumb brushes the corner of your lip. “I want you to be with me when I first meet them after ten years”.


	10. The walls are thin at the Solo house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t believe one more chapter and this series will be done.

“(Y/N), you have a delivery.” A coworker from your new job enters your office with a tray of food. You’ve been working here for a month, it’s a smaller company than the previous one, it’s just a small building on one floor, but you have an important charge and your own office.

“Oh, thank you.” You smile and your coworker walks away. You can see the tray food is one of those breakfast gifts some business sell. It has a purple flower, orange juice, ice coffee, a cupcake, a croissant and a card that says  _For the best accountant in the world!_

 _What’s this?_  you text Ben with a picture of the tray.

_Since I can’t bring you breakfast to bed I brought you breakfast to work._

_Thank you!_

_Anything for my girlfriend_

You blush when you read the word “girlfriend”, it’s been only a few days since Ben and you made up and you still not get used to the idea that this time is for real.

* * *

“(Y/N), are you busy? There’s a Ben Solo waiting for you at the reception.” The same co-worker from the other day looks for you at your office.

“Ben?” you ask confused. Did something wrong happen? “Tell him to come in”.

After a few moments, you see Ben at the frame door carrying a brown paper box.

“I brought lunch,” he happily says and waves the bag.

“Really? Did you make it?” you ask incredulously.

“Believe it or not, I spent yesterday’s afternoon preparing you a nice salad: chicken, cranberries, spinach, nuts, it has everything.” Ben begins to take out the food containers.

“Am I going to die from poisoned food?”

“No,” he snorts. “Just accept the food, I had to sneak away from my job”.

* * *

_2 weeks later_

“Are you nervous?” you ask Ben as he puts your suitcase at the back of his car.

“Yeah, a lot,” he admits. He hasn’t seen his parents since the night he hurt his dad. That was ten years ago.

“Does your parents know we’re coming?”

“Yes, I talk to my mom by texts. Just a few exchanging of words to make sure we’re still alive. Yesterday I text her I was coming and I was bringing my girlfriend.” Ben opens the car door for you.

“And what did she say?” you ask Ben when he’s inside the car.

“Not much, I guess she’s nervous and doesn’t wanna mess it up. She said it was fine and they’ll be waiting for us.” He turns on the car and sighs before you begin your trip.

“It’ll be okay.” You grip his hand that’s on the gearshift. “If it’s too much for you we can say I have work to do and we need to get back”.

“Thank you.” Ben turns to look at you. You’re his biggest support in all of this. “I couldn’t do it without you”.

* * *

“I swear, you’re my security blanket” Ben whispers as he rings the bell of his childhood house. It looks like the typical American house they portray in movies. It’s big, white, with several windows, and a green yard.

“It’s fine, you’ll be fine.” You squeeze his hand. You know very well how anxiety feels so you’re here one hundred percent for Ben.

“Ben” a short woman with beautiful eyes opens the doors. She’s wearing her hair in a complicated bun and you wonder if she did it herself.

“Mom” Ben answers back. “Dad” he adds, behind the woman, there’s a man with grey hair and a permanent smirk on his face, he’s almost as tall as Ben. Ben is surprised, he thought he would feel hate or resentment seeing his parents again, instead, he just felt love and… sadness.

“Hey, kid” the man greets Ben. But he corrects himself, “Sorry. Hi, Ben”.

“This is my girlfriend, (Y/N).” He grips your hand harder and you know he feels uncomfortable.

“Nice to meet you.” You smile at Ben’s parents.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Leia and this is Han.” The woman wonders if a hug would be too much. “But, please, come in. Luke and Rey are here too”.

“Uncle Luke?” Ben frowns. He had no idea the rest of his family would show up.

“Yes, we always spend Thanksgiving together, since Rey is always busy with college it’s the only time when we can.” Leia extends her arm inviting you to the house.

“It’s a really nice house.” You look around. Ben was definitely a wealthy kid.

* * *

As you arrive at the living room, the tension on the air increases. There’s a man that has some Leia’s features and a young girl sitting next to him.

“Hi, Ben! Hi, Ben’s girlfriend!” who you suppose is Rey stands up and gives you both a hug. You’re a little surprised but you return it (meanwhile Ben doesn’t). She seems nice.

“H-hi, I’m (Y/N).” All these introductions have you nervous.

“Ben, it’s nice to see you.” The man on the couch keeps his distance. “By the way, I’m Luke, Ben’s uncle.” He turns his gaze to you.

You feel how everyone is looking at Ben and it makes him feel awkward. But you understand that it’s the first time his family sees him after ten years, they’re walking on eggshells. You’re sure if you let go Ben’s hand he’d run away.

“I’m really happy to be here. I don’t celebrate Thanksgiving so I’m excited about the whole idea.” You try to loosen the tension. “I’m willing to fully live the complete experience”.

“Good!” Leia laughs. She already likes you, in fact, she liked you since Ben mentioned you because she knows that somehow, you’re responsible for Ben being here. “Dinner’s ready so we can start with your Thanksgiving experience”.

* * *

You seriously feel like in an American movie. After saying a prayer lead by Luke, you start with the dinner: roasted turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes with gravy and cranberry sauce.

Ben hasn’t said a single word since he said “mom” and “dad” at the door. You sip your glass of wine and take a glance at Ben. If you thought he was bitter and serious when you met him, this is a whole different level.

“Maybe you should say sorry” you whisper in his ear. From what he has told you, he and his parents never talked about the incident. Ben turns to look at you as if he was asking if you’re serious. You just shrug and continue with your dinner.

“This is so good, Mrs. Organa” you comment on the food. If you eat like this on Thanksgiving, you might celebrate it more in the future.

“Thank you. And call me Leia.” She’s trying really hard to make this dinner normal.

“Oh no, my mom would beat me if I disrespect you like that” you joke and everyone laughs.

“I’m sorry I stabbed you, dad,” Ben suddenly says out loud. Everyone’s forks and knives fall down on the plates. “I was a confused teenager and I never meant to hurt you. Also, I’m sorry I never call or come, mom.” Leia only nods with her mouth slightly open while Han frowns. “I’m working on being a better person. That’d be all.” He finishes his apology and continues with his dinner. You wanna laugh at how Ben does things. Not what you were expecting when you said he should say sorry but it’s something. By the time the pumpkin pie and vanilla ice cream arrive, everyone is more relaxed. Even Ben has chat a little with Rey about career opportunities and he has answered some questions from his parents and uncle.

* * *

“Thank you for dinner. It was very good” you tell Leia as Ben and you stand on the stairs. Luke and Rey have already left, you and her became friends on Facebook. It was her idea.

“I’m glad to hear it,” Leia says. Han passes his arm her shoulders and you feel your face hot as you imagine you and Ben could be them in a few years. The two of you living in a house like this, getting old together.

“We’re kind of tired so we’re going to bed. Right, Benny?” You tug Ben’s hand so he reacts. Leia faintly smiles when she hears you call her Benny “Benny”. Her son only nods and says, “Goodnight”. Progress is slow, you can’t complain. At least you survived dinner.

* * *

You and Ben go to bed in silence, Leia gave you Ben’s old room. It still has some of his belongings but the bed is new and bigger than the previous one. You can see a scold on Ben’s face, thoughts are running on his mind and he’s trying to process everything. You’re not going to push him to talk, he doesn’t react well under pressure. You decide is better to talk about random things.

“Were you always very tall?” You settle on his chest after he turned off the lights and climbed under the covers.

“I think so. Why?” Ben closes his eyes and begins to rub your back. He finally sighs in peace after so many hours. He’s going through a whirlwind of emotions. He spent many years feeling practically nothing to be punched by his emotions in less than twenty-four hours.

“How the hell your mom gave birth to you?!” you scream whispering. “You’re so tall and she’s so short”.

“I never thought about it” Ben chuckles. Even though he’s on his parent’s house and shared dinner with them, your body against his gives him a longing serenity that he missed when you weren’t together. He’s ready to fall asleep.

“You wanna do nasty things?” You kiss his ear and Ben’s whole body goes froze.

“Are you serious?”

“No, sorry, we’re at your parent’s house. It’d be inappropriate.” You want to smack yourself for being horny on moments like this.

“Now you sound like me” Ben laughs. “It’s not that. I just… I don’t want you to feel pressured”.

“I had enough time to heal. I was drunk and vulnerable and should know better. I believe when you said you didn’t know I was drunk and you took care of me that night.” You lay on top of Ben. “I miss you.” You kiss him and he wraps his arms around you. Soon, the kiss increases in passion, both of you moaning and feeling each other’s body.

“Did you bring condoms?” you pant as one of Ben’s hand slides under your pajamas and find your pussy.

“No” he bites back a moan. You’re wet and soft like he remembers. “I didn’t think we’d be doing this. Weren’t you on the pill?”

“I stopped taking it. I haven’t had sex with anyone else.” You melt under his touch.

“Me neither.” A surge of relief fills his body. He’d never say it loud but he can’t stand the idea of someone else having your body. You’re his, you’ll always be his.

“I’ll suck your dick.” You start to get naked and lower his pajama pants.

“O-okay…” He’s not going to refuse an offer like that.

“I missed you.” You fill his shaft with little licks, like a kitten drinking milk.

“I missed you too.” He relaxes on the mattress, ready to enjoy his blowjob.

“I’m not talking to you” you scoff and suck hard on the head. Ben only laughs, he has missed your jokes, your nerve, your mouth, fuck, he has missed your mouth so much.

You engulf his whole cock and hollow your cheeks, wanting to milk him completely. Slurp noises fill the room. As you keep sucking his cock you play with his sack and Ben feels he’s about to burst out in pleasure.

After you gag on him several times, you take a moment to breathe. He looks down and finds your face in the darkness. He’ll never know why he finds this moment the perfect time to act on his feelings. Maybe it’s the drool running down your chin, your glossy eyes, your swollen lips and rapid breath.

“I love you,” he finally says out loud and his dick twitches at his own words. Instead of talking, you swallow him again. “Fuck, I love you so much” Ben cries out as your moans resound around his cock.

“Sit on my face.” Ben lifts your head when he feels he’s about to come. You act quickly on his words by sitting backward on his face and lower your body to suck his dick again.

“Fuck” he curses again. He’s getting his cock sucked and have the tasty flavor of your cunt right on his face. He must have died and gone to heaven.

“Benny” you purr and grind your pussy against his face. Why you never tried this position? When he slides his middle finger in your sex you know you won’t be able to hold longer.

“Nothing hotter than being called by your childhood name in your parent’s house while getting your dick sucked.” He spanks you hard and you gasp loudly. He returns his mouth to your clit and keeps fucking you with his finger.

“I’m gonna come,” you say with his member on your mouth. Your screams of ecstasy are drowned by it. You gush all over Ben’s face and this triggers his orgasm. The warm feeling of your cum flooding his face has him bucking his hips until the tip of his head reaches your throat.

“That was nasty.” You let yourself fall on his side.

“It was.” He grabs your head and kisses you wildly. He can taste himself in your mouth.

“Do you think they heard us?”

“Pretty sure. The walls of this house are thin” he smirks.

“Ben!” you exclaim ashamed.

“What?! One time when I was a kid I heard them doing it. This is just payback.” Ben lowers his hand to your wet pussy and gathers more cum to eat it.

“You’re so nasty” you whisper as you see him sucking his fingers. When he’s done, you leave a short kiss on his lips. “I love you too”.

* * *

Later that night, Ben’s kisses wake you up. “Mmm, I’m tired” you groan but spread your legs.

“You don’t have to do anything. Just enjoy.” Ben gives a long lick to your pussy. You do what he says and let him take you to orgasm. Then, he begins to jerk himself off. “Can I come on your tits?”

“Yes,” you grin with your eyes closed. Soon, a hot liquid hits your chest. Ben smears all his cum on your chest and belly. He admits you look pretty good covered in his seed.

* * *

The next morning, Ben goes down stairs to grab a glass of water for you. He finds his dad alone, leaning against the counter and drinking coffee.

“Goodmorning” Ben greets him. He didn’t expect he’d find himself alone with his dad. At least not so soon.

“Goodmorning” his dad answers back. The usual smirk he wears is wider.

“What are you doing here?” Ben tries to make little talk.

“Nothing. I was just thinking what renovations I’ll have to do to the house for the grandkids” Han jokes and Ben immediately gets it.

“Sorry. It wasn’t our intention to be that loud last night.” His cheeks turn into a shade of pink.

“Don’t worry about it.” Han dismisses the subject. “What are you doing here?”

“I came for some water for (Y/N), she needs to take some meds”

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, everything is fine. Nothing to worry about.” Ben isn’t going to talk about your anxiety without your permission.

“Good.” Han doesn’t insist on the topic. He finishes his coffee and puts the cup on the counter. Before leaving, he puts a hand on Ben’s shoulder. “Listen, what you did last night, I admire it. There’s nothing to forgive. You’re my son and I love you.  I can see you’re in a better place now, I can see you happy with her and that makes me happy”.

Ben presses his lips into a hard line and holds back the tears. He didn’t know until now how much he needed those words. Han chuckles and gives Ben a little tap on the side of his face. Suddenly, Ben traps Han into a hug, the years of distance melts away. “I’m very happy, dad”.


	11. A cause of divorce

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter! I hope you liked this series, I’d highly appreciate it you could give me a comment about it, I put a lot of effort on it.

_I’m outside_  Ben texts you as he waits outside of your work. He invited you to have dinner at his apartment.

 _Just a minute, babe._  He reads your answer and smiles. You’ve been officially dating for six months and the cheesy pet names are now a common thing.

He puts his phone inhis pocket and taps his fingers on the steering wheel. Tonight is not a simple dinner, not that you know it, but if everything goes alright, you’ll step into a new stage of your relationship.

“Hi, handsome.” You get in his car and greet him with a kiss.

“How was work?”

“Good and yours?”

“Good. Hux told me today that you only wanted me for my money” Ben tells you once again how Hux insists on destroying your relationship. He must be very lonely for wanting to live in someone’s else life.

“You don’t have money.” You frown.

“That’s what I told him. But then he said my parents have it so it was the same.” Ben laughs and turns on his car.

“Well, in that case, I’d have seduced your mom or dad” you openly laugh. “Poor Hux, he needs to get a life”.

“I’m starting to believe his red hair is because he comes from hell.” Ben drives to his apartment. He doesn’t wanna waste his time talking about that guy anymore.

* * *

“Close your eyes,” Ben tells you before he opens the door.

“Uh?”

“Close your eyes, come on” he insists so you comply. You hear he opens the door and helps you walk in.

“Okay, you can open them,” he says in an excited voice.

“Ben!” you gasp seeing the whole place covered in golden balloons, black ribbons hanging off of them. “What’s this? Oh my God!”

“A surprise for my love.” He hugs you from behind and walks you to the kitchen. “Look” he points to a basket on the dining table.

You approach it and observe all the items inside: a red cup, a box of condoms, a turkey sandwich from that place you used to go, the paper where you wrote your number phone almost a year ago, the book you gave him on his birthday.

“Here is our story” he explains the meaning of the basket. “Well, part of it. I know we didn’t start as the typical couple, mostly because of my fault. But you awoke in me things I never knew I had. And now I can’t live without you”.

“I wanted to have sex on my desk the first night we met, it’s not like I did things right” you snicker.

“Reach on the bottom”

You go through all the things Ben put until you find a little black box at the mere bottom. You take it out and give it to Ben with shaking hands.

“(Y/N),” Ben makes you face him and you gulp down. Is this what you think it is? “I’m serious, I can’t function if you’re not here. I can’t stand another morning waking up alone, another night struggling to fall asleep because I don’t have the warm of your body next to me, your makeup scattered on the bathroom and the sound of the shower when you’re in it. Will you move in with me?” He opens the little box and you  see a key inside.

“Oh, thank God,” you sigh relief. “I thought you were going to ask me to marry you”

“You don’t wanna marry me?” Ben exclaims hurt.

“No! Yes! I mean, I want to, eventually, just not right now. I’m not prepared for that yet” you explain and take the key between your fingers.

“Oh, I can wait for that. But will you move in? We can stay here or rent another apartment. Say yes, please” Ben begs you and you already know the answer.

“Of course I’ll move in with you.” You hug him and he lifts you in his arms. “Oh, look.” You see the Victoria’s Secret lingerie set you bought for his birthday and never got to use. “Maybe I can use it now.” you take the lace bra and panties in your hands.

“I jerked off so many times with it that if you wear it you’ll probably get pregnant”

“Ew, Ben!” you throw the lingerie back to the basket.

“I love you” Ben laughs and kisses you.

“And I love you, even if you’re a pervert” you smile. You can’t believe one year ago you just wanted to meet the mysterious Ben Solo, main engineer of your old company and now you’re officially moving in with him.

* * *

_A couple years later_

“I fucking hate you! I hate you!” you scream at Ben. “I don’t wanna ever see you again. Fuck you!”

“(Y/N), calm down.” Ben doesn’t know when everything escalated so quickly until reaching a boiling point.

“Get the fuck out of my sight! Go away!” you bark at him and you’re tempted to throw your phone at his face.

“(Y/N), please, I’m sorry.” Ben tries to reason with you but you’re beyond that point.

“Go. Away!” you hiss and rage has your body tremble.

“And where am I supposed to go?”

“I don’t fucking care, I’ll call you an Uber. Anything so I don’t have to see your face ever again” you spit out at him.

Ben sighs and decides to walk out. Perhaps a time alone will do good to you.

* * *

“Ben!” Leia opens the door and sees it’s his son visiting her. “Where’s (Y/N)?”

“Can I come in?” He looks tired so Leia only nods and lets him in.

“What happened?” she asks. He knows her son too well to know there’s something wrong. A few moments later, Han joins the conversation in the living room.

“Hey, kid” Han greets him.

“Hey, dad,” he says without energy.

“Something’s wrong?”

“(Y/N). She kicked me out. Just like that” he starts telling his sad story.

“Why?” Leia is confused. You’re one of the happiest and strongest couples she knows.

“Well, apparently when your wife is eight-month pregnant and you chew too loud next to her is a cause of divorce.” Ben shakes his head in denial.

“Oh my God,” Leia laughs and Han joins her. “I’m so sorry, Ben, but what do you want me to say? The hormones have her cranky, you can’t blame her”.

“I know, I know.” Ben joins to his parents and laughs too. “I  decided to leave her alone for a while so she can rest”.

“You can’t eat until the baby is born.” Han palms Ben’s back to show him support. He remembers how Leia was when she was pregnant. If she’s feisty in a normal state, pregnant was a nightmare.

* * *

“(Y/N)” Leia gasps shocked as she sees you at her house’s door crying helplessly.

“Is Ben here?” Tears running without control down your face.

“Yes, come in. He’s in the living room”

“(Y/N)? What happened? Are you okay?” Ben immediately stands up when he sees you enter crying. He’s worried something happened to you or the baby.

“I’m so sorry, Ben,” you throw yourself into his arms, not even saying hi to Han. “I’m so sorry, I thought I lost you, I thought you will leave me”

“Uh, we’re gonna take a walk so you guys can talk.” Han takes Leia’s arm to leave the house but you don’t hear him.

“It’s okay, love.” Ben’s arms are long but now with your big belly, he can barely surround you.

“No, it’s not. I said horrible things to you” you keep sobbing.

“No, no, it was my fault. I shouldn’t been so annoying and eat so loud.” Ben has to bite his tongue to not laugh.

“Yeah, you’re annoying. I love you so much but I see you and all I wanna do is punch you in the face.” You’re sure this pregnancy is going to end with your marriage and mental health. 

“It’ll pass soon” Ben consoles you and cradles you in his arms.

“Fuck me” you look for his mouth as you unzip his jeans.

“What?” Ben still can’t understand how fast your mood changes.

“Fuck me, I know I’m pregnant but I want you to fuck me like a dirty whore.” You try to take off your blouse but your round belly stops you. Ben is a little startled by your words, usually, you don’t talk like this but it’s been a while since you want this and he’s not going to pass the opportunity to have sex with you.

“Baby, I’ll fuck you like the dirty whore you are.” He helps you with your clothes and you moan at his words. When he takes your panties off, he sees they’re soaked. “Someone’s ready,” he thinks.

“Don’t make me ride you, please, I feel like a cow”

“Lay on your side,” Ben tells you and helps you to lay on the biggest couch. He discards his clothes quickly and his cock is already leaking precum. “Someone else is ready too,” he thinks again.

He lays behind you and lifts your right leg so he can reach your pussy. Both of you moan in satisfaction when he’s settled in you.

Ben’s belly tenses and he feels like he’s about to come already, you had him almost a month with the blue balls.

“Touch your clit, I’ll touch your nipples… filthy slut” he remembers to add and then begins to play with your nipples.

“I’m a filthy slut,” you say desperately, you throw your hips back to receive Ben’s thrusts. Ben finds a little weird talking dirty in front of the baby, well, kind of.

“Mmmm Ben” you arch your back as you reach orgasm fast. Ben feels you spam around him and lowers his hand to your belly.

You’re about to say that it’s weird that he’s touching the baby in the middle of the sex when he groans, “That’s my baby, I put them in you. Me” he thrusts harder and you worry about the stains on the couch. Finally, he comes and sinks down his teeth on your shoulder blade. An old habit of him.

“That was good” you purr satisfied and let Ben hug you.

“Yeah” Ben only pants. His phone rings and he sees it’s his dad calling. “Hey, dad”.

_“Hi, kid. How’s everything?”_

“Uh, good, good,” Ben strokes your pussy and hears you moan. “Can you give us one more hour? We’re, uhm, we’re still talking”.

 _“Jesus, kid. She’s already pregnant. Leave her alone.”_  Han hangs up not wanting to know more.

Ben laughs out loud and you laugh with him, even though you didn’t hear the conversation.

“I asked Poe if he wanted to be the godfather of the baby” you casually add.

“What?” Ben babbles at your sudden decision but you only laugh more. No matter how many years pass, you’re always able to surprise him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come say hi to me tumblr.com/bad--bad--man


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